Just Breathe

aieon:

It may seem like I’m a sarcastic asshole 24/7, but I’m actually only a sarcastic asshole 18/7 because at night I actually have feelings.

hootaloo:

hootaloo:

bowrll:

mortisreptus:

fireskink:

alltailnolegs:

mcsprankles:

idcsam:

shadow-pop:

whatisagorman:

snakelet:

this is 911 state your emergency


YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD


911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN


YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS


911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER


MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.


YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ


TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING

911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.


yes 911 hello all these people are crazy

this is still going around and it makes me rly happy.

hootaloo:

hootaloo:

bowrll:

mortisreptus:

fireskink:

alltailnolegs:

mcsprankles:

idcsam:

shadow-pop:

whatisagorman:

snakelet:

this is 911 state your emergency

image

YES I NEED HELP IMMEDIATELY I CAN’T FIND MY LIZARD

image

911 I THINK MY LIZARD IS BROKEN

image

YOU THINK YOU’VE GOT PROBLEMS? MY PHONE SEEMS TO HAVE LOST IT’S LEGS

image

911 I CAN’T GET MY PHONE OFF THE RECEIVER

image

MA’AM YOUR PHONE NEEDS TO BE IN THE UNLOCKED POSITION AND MAY NEED TO BE PROVIDED WITH ADDITIONAL HARDWARE TO FUNCTION CORRECTLY.

image

YES HELLO 911 CAN YOU HEAR ME I DROPPED MY HEADSET IN THE WATER DO YOU READ

image

TO BE HONEST 911, I AM NOT SURE WHAT MY PHONE IS DOING

image
911 MY PHONE IS FACING THE WRONG WAY AND I CAN’T GET IT TO TURN AROUND.

image

yes 911 hello all these people are crazy

this is still going around and it makes me rly happy.

Things I am currently craving

- hot sex
- a warm shower
- milkshake
- cozy blankets
- warm, loving cuddles
- kisses 
- nuggets

You know, I could die tomorrow. That’s why I have to live today.

dirkbot:

dirkbot:

Today some old guy walked up to me and asked me if my hair color is natural, then called his wife over to check me out too

To clarify:

image

determinate:

vertical/personal/everything ♥

determinate:

vertical/personal/everything ♥

M2spookykat:

“what are you doing today”

nothing really

“ok great so you can help me with this-“

no no no

you misunderstand

i don’t mean i have nothing planned, i mean i plan to do nothing